Friday, November 12, 2010

Fiji

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Fiji is a series of islands in the Southern Hemisphere, with a tropical climate. The inhabitants are fiercely insular and hesitant to allow their history or current events to be documented, and all information posted must be approved by their ruling council.

The islands were settled in approximately 1722 CE, when the Anatolian Empire sent a ship full of debtors, grifters, and other criminals to take possession of the thickly forested lands. The Mestothene Emperor was under the impression that the islands were uninhabited, which was quickly shown to be false by the repeated slaughter and/or abduction of each successive shipment of criminals. After the fifth disappearing ship (the Grandiloquent), the empire sent an exploratory committee. It was an uncharacteristically shrewd move on the part of the Emperor's council, though they assumed the committee would never return to report. Though the committee went through many hardships, they are our sole source of recorded Fijite history. Their monthly missives to the Empire show their exploration of three warring tribes, and the establishment of one small colony of outcasts.
The exploratory committee consisted of thirteen men and women, all dissidents and inconveniences to the Empire. Their names were never recorded in their own histories, and they are mostly referred to in academic circles by the colors of the ink used for each person's observations:
Brown,
Black,
Blue,
Red Berry,
Sort Of Brownish Black,
Blue But a Different Blue,
Possibly Blood,
I Have No Idea What Color This Is,
That One Shade of Green, Whatsit, No-one Remembers Its Name,
Purple,
Fish Guts,
Smeared Charcoal,
with the exception of one member, generally referred to as Indecipherable Scrawl.

These brave observers were responsible for the creation of the Fiji Colony and inventors of some really interesting new words, mostly obscene in nature.
As the three native tribes began to kill each other off in earnest, the observers collected the wounded and dying, learned their languages, and tried to patch them up without wasting their valuable watching hours. Many of the natives died and were posted as deterrents around the edge of camp. Smeared Charcoal wrote:
"It is a shame that these heathen tribesmen cannot keep their insides where they ought to be. Although it is no wonder that they are continuously attacked. They slide off the stakes as if they had never heard of the necessity of keeping watch for enemies. And enemies are all around us."
After a number of years, the natives and the colonists came to a cautious truce, and the committee were finally able to document the tribes' oral histories.

The native peoples of the Fiji Islands migrated from the Siberian Land Bridge in 269 BCE, and eventually waded (carefully) to their present lands from what is now Lake Xochimilco in Mexico. Their descendents split into three tribes and were reunited only when the Anatolian Empire encroached upon their territories. Their gods were alternately brave and cowardly, kind and wicked, wise or sly, depending upon which tribe you asked at any given moment.  They were hunters, gatherers, and fantastically adept estheticians.

The geography of the islands changes from hour to hour, and no geographical features could be confirmed to actually exist.

The current ruling council of the island nation is made up of the traditional fourteen members, based upon the thirteen members of the original committee and one person to speak for the tribes, although the two contingents have long been intermarried. They wear an approximation of 16th-century era formal Anatolian saddle-skirts as their ceremonial garb, but go about from day to day in sharply tailored black suits.




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